Do Your Boomer Parents Push You Away? 9 Questions to Ask

You hang up the phone, frustrated again. Every conversation with your parents seems to end the same way – with tension, silence or hurt feelings. You love them, but it feels harder and harder to connect these days.

You’re not alone. As parents age and adult children build their own lives, communication patterns often shift – sometimes in ways that create emotional distance. Experts say understanding why these conflicts happen is the first step to repairing them. 

“It's not uncommon for a parent-adult child relationship to suffer when one person becomes stuck in their previous role within the relationship," says Gina Radice-Vella, Psy.D., chief psychologist at Jersey Shore University Medical Center. "Letting go of former relationship dynamics, patterns of relating and styles of communicating – even if they’re unhealthy, ineffective or no longer fit the current status of the relationship – is hard but necessary for a parent-adult child relationship to flourish."

Below, Dr. Radice-Vella shares nine questions adult kids can answer regarding their boomer parents’ behavior, plus what to do to reconnect. 

Do Your Parents Dismiss Your Experiences or Opinions?     

If every conversation feels like a debate, you’re not imagining it. Many older adults come from a generation where authority and “tough love” were the norm, so when they challenge your choices, it may come from concern rather than criticism. Still, it can sting.

What you can do: Try reframing these moments. Instead of proving your point, focus on being heard. Phrases like, “I know you care, but I need you to listen before offering advice,” can gently reset the tone.  

Do They Expect Constant Contact?     

It’s hard when your parents miss you but don’t understand how busy your life is. For many boomers, staying connected by phone or in-person visits feels essential. When those interactions drop off, they may interpret it as emotional distance.

What you can do: Set clear expectations. Let them know when you’ll check in and stick to it. Predictability often feels like reassurance.  

Do They Offer Advice You Didn’t Ask For?    

Unsolicited advice often comes from love, but it can still feel intrusive. Boomers spent decades being the “fixers,” and old habits die hard.

What you can do: Respond with gratitude and boundaries. Try, “Thanks, Mom, I’ve got it handled, but I’ll ask if I need help.” It acknowledges their intent without inviting more input. 

Do They Struggle to Apologize Or Double Down When They’re Wrong?  

Many people in this generation were taught that admitting fault was a sign of weakness. If your parent has trouble saying “I’m sorry,” try focusing on the relationship rather than the argument.

What you can do: Instead of waiting for an apology, say, “I don’t need you to agree with me, I just want to feel close again.” It opens the door more effectively than pressing for them to admit fault. 

Do They Bring Up the Past – Especially Your Mistakes?   

Parents often revisit old stories because they’re trying to connect, not criticize. But when those stories feel judgmental, it’s okay to steer the conversation forward.

What you can do: Redirect with curiosity. Try, “That was a tough time, but I’ve learned a lot since then. How do you handle things differently now?”

Do They Avoid Emotional Conversations Altogether?   

For many boomers, vulnerability wasn’t modeled or encouraged. Silence doesn’t mean they don’t care – it might mean they don’t know how to express it.

What you can do: Lead by example. A simple, “I really appreciated our talk yesterday, it meant a lot to me,” shows that emotional connection is welcome. 

Do They Struggle to Accept Your Boundaries?   

Whether it’s parenting choices, finances or your schedule, some parents have trouble recognizing where their influence ends. Setting boundaries isn’t rejection, it’s clarity.

What you can do: Be kind but firm. Try, “I love that you care, but I need to handle this in my own way.” Reassure them that boundaries protect the relationship, not end it. 

Do They Take Things Personally, Even When They’re Not About Them?   

When parents interpret your independence as distance, they may react defensively. Reassure them with small gestures like texts, updates or sharing good news.

What you can do: Remind them they’re still part of your life. A little inclusion can go a long way toward easing their insecurities.

Do They Compare You (Or Themselves) to Others?   

Comparisons can come from insecurity or a desire to connect through shared standards. But when it feels like competition, it can drive distance.

What you can do: Redirect the focus to individuality. Try, “I’m happy doing things differently, and I love that we can both find our own paths.” 

The Bottom Line: What Parents and Adult Children Can Do  

Recognizing generational dynamics is less about blaming and more about change. If your boomer parent is still treating you like a teenager, giving advice you didn’t ask for, or controlling decisions with guilt, they may be pushing you away. 

"If the goal is to have a healthy relationship with [your boomer parent], it’s really important to take a step back and consider how your actions [and reactions] may contribute to space or tension within the relationship," says Dr. Radice-Vella. "Taking responsibility will help to repair and strengthen the relationship, both in the short term and over time."

Next Steps & Resources

• Meet our source: Gina M. Radice-Vella, Psy.D. 
• To make an appointment with a doctor near you, call 800-822-8905 or visit our website. 
• Explore our behavioral health services.

The material provided through HealthU is intended to be used as general information only and should not replace the advice of your physician. Always consult your physician for individual care.