How to Support a Loved One with Postpartum Anxiety or Depression
January 26, 2026
You expected the newborn stage to look like soft blankets, baby yawns and endless joy. Instead, someone you love is crying more than smiling, worrying more than resting and feeling very unlike herself. If you’ve been Googling “how to help my wife with postpartum anxiety,” “postpartum depression symptoms,” or “what do I say to someone with postpartum depression,” you’re in the right place.
Because postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA) affect not just moms but entire families, we turned to an expert who walks this road with patients every day: Meghan Rattigan, D.O., a board-certified OBGYN at Jersey Shore University Medical Center. Dr. Rattigan brings both clinical expertise and real-world reassurance to loved ones who want to help, but aren’t sure how.
What is Postpartum Depression (PPD)?
Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that affects some women after childbirth and lasts longer than the typical “baby blues.”
Numbers vary, but recent research shows that about one in seven women experience depression during pregnancy or in the first year following childbirth.
Common signs of PPD that you may notice in your loved one include:
- Difficulty sleeping (even when the baby sleeps)
- Excessive crying
- Feeling sad, hopeless or worthless
- Lack of appetite or big changes in eating habits
- No longer finding joy in things they once enjoyed
- Trouble focusing
More serious signs of PPD include:
- Having little to no interest in the baby
- Thoughts of harming the baby or herself
“It can be so disheartening to watch a loved one struggle emotionally because we are often unsure of how to help or where to start,” affirms Dr. Rattigan.
What is Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)?
Postpartum anxiety involves intense worry that goes beyond normal new-parent caution and can co-occur with depression.
Studies estimate that up to 20 percent of women experience anxiety symptoms during pregnancy and the postpartum period, and anxiety symptoms often overlap with depressive symptoms.
Common signs of PPA include:
- Avoiding activities because of fear that doesn’t match the situation
- Excessive crying
- Excessive worrying that feels impossible to shut off
- Inability to relax
- Irritability
- Racing or intrusive thoughts
- Restlessness
- Trouble sleeping or focusing (even when the baby sleeps)
Dr. Rattigan notes that symptoms can feel normal but still be concerning. “It can be difficult to determine which symptoms are normal during the postpartum period and which are more concerning for a bigger issue,” she says.
How Can I Help Someone With PPD or PPA?
You can help by offering both emotional presence and practical relief – consistently and without pressure.
“When I speak to people looking to support a loved one who may be suffering from PPD or PPA, I recommend this: stay connected and offer support,” says Dr. Rattigan.
Below are five powerful actions you can take, plus why they matter and how to do them:
1. Stay Connected and Check In Often
Why it helps: The biggest wound in PPD/PPA is isolation. Showing up regularly reminds them they’re not alone.
Try: Send short texts, sit with them without an agenda, ask how they feel or offer company during small routines.
2. Learn About PPD and PPA Before Jumping In
Why it helps: Understanding the condition makes your support calmer, smarter and more confident.
Try: Turn to trusted resources such as your loved one’s OB/GYN or primary care provider, the Office on Women’s Health, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or March of Dimes.
3. Offer Real Help So She Can Rest
Why it helps: Physical relief supports emotional healing.
Try: Watch the baby while she showers, naps or takes a short walk. Make meals, fold laundry and tidy up common spaces so she feels less overwhelmed.
4. Encourage Professional Help (and Help Her Get There)
Why it helps: Treatment works, but finding it and getting there can feel impossible to someone who is struggling.
Try: Offer to drive, help schedule appointments and sit with her in the waiting room if she wants company.
5. Protect Your Own Well-Being, Too
Why it helps: Burnout makes support shaky. Self-care makes it sustainable.
Try: Sleep, eat, move and talk to someone you trust about your own feelings. Take breaks when needed.
What Should I Say to Someone With Postpartum Depression or Anxiety?
Say things that validate, comfort and invite conversation – without giving advice unless she asks for it.
“First and foremost, express empathy and understanding,” advises Dr. Rattigan.
Consider these five supportive things to say:
“You’re Not Alone. I’m Here.”
Use when: She withdraws or apologizes for being emotional.
Why it helps: It directly combats isolation.
“This Isn’t Your Fault.”
Use when: She expresses shame or confusion.
Why it helps: It replaces self-blame with relief and validation.
“What Do You Need Most Right Now?”
Use when: She feels overwhelmed.
Why it helps: It gives control back without assumptions.
“It’s OK to Feel More Than One Thing at a Time.”
Use when: She compares herself to others or her own unmet expectations.
Why it helps: It normalizes the emotional complexity of the postpartum period.
“We’ll Take This One Step at a Time.”
Use when: She worries recovery will take too long.
Why it helps: It offers calm confidence and shared pacing.
What Should I Avoid Doing or Saying?
When a loved one is struggling with PPD or PPA, avoid responses that minimize, shame or ignore the problem.
Don’t:
- Pretend nothing is wrong: This can delay care and deepen isolation and loneliness.
- Use “snap out of it” language: This feels like a rejection, not motivation.
- Discourage seeking help through therapy or medication: This can prevent her from seeking effective treatment.
What to do instead? Acknowledge changes gently, express concern with compassion and help her take the next step.
What are the Signs of a Postpartum Mental Health Crisis?
It’s an emergency if she has thoughts of harming herself or the baby, or if she’s experiencing hallucinations – meaning she may see, hear, smell or believe things that aren’t actually there.
What to do: Seek immediate medical care for your loved one from her OB/GYN or a mental health professional. This is not a moment to wait, watch or manage alone.
What to Remember Most About PPD/PPA
Being there for someone with postpartum depression or anxiety can be emotionally heavy and confusing, but your support can also be one of the most healing forces in their recovery.
Remember that:
- PPD and PPA are real medical conditions, not failures in motherhood
- The biggest symptom families should address first is isolation
- The best support combines emotional presence and practical help
- Encourage professional care when needed and urgent care in crisis
- Small, consistent support beats one big perfect moment
If someone you love is struggling, reach out to an OB/GYN, primary care provider or a mental health professional. Healing takes time, but connection makes it shorter, softer and safer for everyone involved.
Next Steps & Resources
- Meet our source: Meghan Rattigan, D.O.
- Make an appointment with Dr. Rattigan or a doctor near you online, or call 800-822-8905.
- Explore the women’s mental health services at Hackensack Meridian Health.
The material provided through Healthier You is intended to be used as general information only and should not replace the advice of your physician. Always consult your physician for individual care.
